I finally understood how she felt few yrs back
A few yrs back, I had a vv vv close fren, we call her CF1. We shared many things and did many things together. Went for camps together, try out for main committee positions together. Once, she asked me :"shall we go pierce our ears together?" I told her no i dowan. I scared of pain. And so she said:"ok, we will wait until u r ready then we go together k? then we can go buy earrings together next time" But the very next week, I went to pierce my ears wif my mum and had a hell of a time buying earrings. I showed off my new fashion stuff on Monday, not noticing CF1 was sitting at one corner just looking at me. She came up to me and say:"nice earrings ah! was it painful?" She din say anything about our promise. She only stood silently while i bask in other gals' attn.
When she asked me if we shld try out for the Sports Committee, i told her i wanted to focus on my studies and CCA, i not going to tk up anymore. And so she said:"ok..then i wont try too since u r not doing". But in the end I tried it out and got it.
The next day while i was happily basking in the joy, CF1 walked in and sat stonely on the chair next to me (we sit side by side in class). Then suddenly, she pull her table away and sit away from me. I was taken aback but I didn't bother coz..i honestly haf no idea at tt time how much i haf hurted her.
She kept a cold face and a distance from me. I grew angry wif her and decided to ignore her. It was only 2 mths later when one of our common frens came up to me and asked:"do u noe why she was angry wif u?"
Me: I dunno and I dun tink i can find out. She can throw her temper for all she want.
Fren: Dun u wanna noe?
Me: u noe meh?
Fren: Remember you told her you will pierce ears wif her and u went on ur own behind ur back? u told her u wont try out for the Sports main committee and u did it behind her back. u noe how she felt?
Me: but as a fren she shld b happy for me rite?
Fren: If she wasn;t happy for u, she would haf kicked up a bloody fuss. U realised how much u hurt her? She was crying when she was telling me u noe tt? she say u 2 were always so close, wat happened? u started doing things behind her back. True, u dun haf the obligation to live a life under her shadow or let her noe every single detail in her life. But, at least don say one and do another. she vv hurted ah.
It was at tis time tt i knew how bad i was to do tt to her. I went up to CF1 and apologized. A full big apology.
CF1: Yuhui, dun do tt to anyone else k? It's vv painful u noe tt? we r frens, i dun nid a 3rd party to noe wat is happening to u.
From tt day on, i started a vv open relationship wif my frens, telling them everything and of coz expecting a relatively honest relationship in return. I dun expect everyone to come clean wif me, i just expect a certain level of sharing.
Today, smth the same happened again. But today i m in the position of where CF1 was a few yrs ago. She said i was a true fren to her. But come to tink of it, 90% of the things i noe bout her, was from a few other common frens between the two of us. We r in the same school, study together some times but the things i noe bout her? From a common fren who studied somewhere else.
When she got her scholarship, i wasn;t informed of it. Not tt i nid to noe terribly, but at least a fyi is pretty good. I only got to noe it when i saw her foto from backstage in Convocation. I congratulated her thru sms on the spot, even though tt day i hafta b on full attn thru-out the show. I was afraid i will forget when the show end, and forget to congratulate her. Today I found out she had double degree in business. I sent my wishes but asked how come nv say. Her answer? "Oh..i happened to hit lo, so just apply lo..hahahaha"
What i nid is not why u applied. What i nid to noe is how come such a happy thing wasn;t shared.
Her reply was:" I dun understand why u cant b happy for me. I worked hard for wat i haf and as a fren u shld b happy for me wat. not asking tis kinda thing"
Like hello. I NEVER said u din work hard. My reply to her was :"I never say u din work hard. Never once did i say that. Get ur facts straight before jumping down my throat."
Her reply was :"u noe smth,k i cherished u as my fren,.,i din want my achievements to be a burden to u. i want to encourage u. if my approach was wrong, i apologise."
One thing I can't accept bout pple apologising is, not noeing why they apologising for. saying sorry for the sake of saying sorry is just not the way. My boss did it to my colleague before and in the end he dug it up again and almost fire her over it again. Immature.
I replied her saying i nv found her achievements to b a burden to me. i told her i appreciated a sharing session wif my frens, not a discovery session.
Her reply was:" ok, i had the impression u will b upset wif me when i share wif u my achievements. in that case i m wrong. i apologise. Only my bf noes my world. i dun go ard telling frens when i got double degree becoz i see it as arrogance. MAYB U CANT ACCEPT ME AS A FREN ANYMORE."
I replied her saying "ya mayb tt's the reason why 90% of the things i noe bout u came from our common frens and even pple i dun even noe u noe? ( so much for claiming to be close friends for the past 8 yrs)If u tink i will get upset, i m sorry u dun understand me vv well. My heart died long ago on a double degree. If u feel i cant accept u as a fren anymore, then so be it."
Her reply was:"Girl, if i dun treat u as a good fren..would i b studying wif u? if i dun accept u as a fren, will i b telling u about my bf? i do treat u like a good fren."(and honestly i dunno wat's the pt of saying tis.)
I replied her:" i noe ur bf thru another fren. not u. i can study wif pple i noe for 2 days. tt;s not exactly my true fren u noe?"
Her reply was:" I dun study wif pple i noe for 2 days. why r u doubting that i dun accept u as a good and true fren..when i m here trying my best to explain to u. i wont b bothered if u r not a true fren."
The prob was i nv said i doubted it. She started it first by saying i cant accept her as a fren. So who doubted first?
My last reply to her was:" I nv doubted once. U were the first one who doubted me treating u like a fren. if u nid verification, i still haf the msg wif me. And since u closed the door on me first, i dun hafta act cheap to pry it open. And i say one more time, dun apologise to me. u owe me nth."
She tried calling 3 times but i din answer coz i was in class. I was so busy, i din call back either. How busy i was? the 8.30pm dinner was my first meal of the day.
CF1, i finally understood how much it hurted back then. coz i got a taste of it today.
I admit, i m really upset over the thing. It's nth big really. It's just that I nv knew tt I was lidat in her eyes. I just din expect her to doubt me that i can no longer accept her as a fren. Just over wat? coz she has double degree or scholarship? Crap. I nv really fell out wif frens over trivial matters. And this was so freaking trivial tt took a turn for the worst. I admit the "mayb u cant accept me as a fren anymore" pissed me off.
I admit i almost cried during class today since the sms-ing was done during lesson. 8 yrs of frenship and it was dissolved over a "mayb u cant accept me as a fren". That blew me off. honestly.
But wang yu hui is fine now. Becoz i m sunshine after the rain..buahaha..-_-
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