The 7th Day
I arrived pretty early (ok comparatively compared to my other relatives) at around 8pm, had dinner and sat ard reading papers and watching tv with my 5th uncle, 2nd Granduncle and my 4th uncle. My Ah ma was slping and my 2rd uncle was out buying some food for offerings later.
The mood was generally lighter as compared to the few days at the wake.
2 days ago (16th Jan) was the day Ah Gong was cremated at noon in Mandai. The morning ritual was depressing. The music the band played was depressing. Everything was just plain...depressing. Ah ma was up early to cook porridge for us. She was worried everyone, esp He Kun, Xie Wei, Julianne (all my cousins) my sis and I coz we been the ones staying awake thru out the nites of the wake and only slping 2-3 hrs in the day and coming down again and holding on through the nite once again (a side note: I tink most of us slept like 10-12 hrs in 5 days) I saw her in the kitchen stirring away in a huge pot at 6.30am when we came up for a bit of breakfast while 3rd uncle took the shift downstairs at the void deck. Her eyes were all red and was still trying to sound cheerful while I asked her if she has slept.
It was said that the wife cannot send her husband off to the Cremataurium. So we asked the Taoist priest if she was able to. Who wouldn't wanna send their spouse off on their final journey? He said she can because their fate as a couple has come to a complete end (which is to say couples who has spouse who passed away like mid age, is not allowed to send the full journey, lest she/he remarry again) so she is able to send Ah Gong on his final journey.
All prayers started at around 9am and the team of casket people (ok I dunno what to call them..) arrived and started working around the offerings and waited for the Taoist priest to get ready. While waiting, the band started to play music. One of which was "Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xing" I cried while staring at Ah Gong's photo. I glanced over, saw my mum was crying, Ah Ma was crying, so were my cousins,my sis and my 2rd uncle. 4th uncle took out his hp and took a video of the ritual. He told us the nite before we cannot cry, lest Ah Gong cannot go in peace. Well, I can see 4th uncle was trying very hard to hold back his tears. It was all welled up in his eyes.
Then came the time when all children, siblings and grandchildren had to gather in the yellow tent that surrounded Ah Gong's coffin. We had to offer prayers while the priest chanted away. Ah Ma was to offer a joss stick and invite Ah Gong to the offerings before he set off. She wailed. It was heart-wrenching. Even till now while I m typing this, I cry at the memory of that scene. I saw my uncles cry, my cousins cried, my mum had her face all buried in her hands, sobbing away. Ah Ma's sisters were crying as well.
"吃饱饱就可以上路了" was what Ah Ma said thru her tears.
We had to go around the coffin area for 3 rounds before the coffin could be lifted and put into the van. The more the band played, the more we cried.
We set off to the Cremataurium at 11am and reached about 11.40am. We were led into Hall 2 where Ah Gong's coffin was already placed in the middle of the stage and we were all asked to sit down (the whole setting was a bit church like, even the seats). We had to hold joss sticks and offer our prayers one last time while the priest read out everyone's name in Hainanese. After the offering our prayers, we had to stay on both side of the coffin (males on the left, females on the rite) and offer our last 3 bows. I cried again, and so did everyone else.
The priest ushered us into the glass area above the cremating area so we can see the coffin being pushed into the furnace. All the children, Ah ma, Ah Gong's siblings all stood at the first row, while the grandchildren stood at the 2rd row. 3rd row onwards were all the other relatives and friends who came to send Ah Gong on his final journey.
That whole scene...I dunno..when Ah Gong's coffin came thru the wooden door and was being pushed into the furnace, it truely dawned to everyone..Ah Gong really is leaving already. It was as if, the last 4 days at the wake, Ah Gong was still with us physically, just that he is lying in a wooden box. And now, he's gone. Really gone. Everyone's cries filled the entire room and it became suffocating. Like no matter how much tears there was in the eyes, it was not enuff to depict the vv deep kind of sadness felt in the chest. Ah Ma was vv strong. She only let tears roll down her cheeks. She did not wail out loud. If I was in her position, I wouldn't be that strong. Think about it. My Ah Ma is now 75 years old. She married my Ah Gong was she was 17. That's 58 years of marriage for you. Can you be that strong?
We set off back to Ah Ma's place to do some clearing up and for some, to catch up on a bit of slp before we set off to collect the ashes and go to the 灵骨塔 (Ah Ma din choose a temple coz she say Ah Gong hates veggie) where Ah Gong will rest in peace forever.
On the way up to the Ah Ma's place, Ah Ma said :" Ah Gong going somewhere vv far and very good already. He going back China (where Ah Gong came from)". I tell u at that moment, the only feeling I had was to hide somewhere and cry. Really.
We went back for a bit of rest before setting off at around 3pm to collect Ah Gong's ash. On the way dere, Ah Ma said :" Ah Gong has reached the place le. Now we are going to recieve him." Like despite her sadness, she was trying to cheer all of us up.
**17th January 2007**
As mentioned at the start of the blog entry, we all arrived at Ah Ma's place at around 8smth pm. Everyone truely gathered at around 10 smth pm. The atmosphere was rather ok as the cousins seat ard and chat, the uncles stood ard discussing bout exericises, and Ah Ma was resting in the rm.
At 11pm, 2rd uncle say we shld all shut off the tv and start preparing all the food, so we can invite Ah Gong to come back to this house. We were all standing around still in a rather light mood until Ah Ma came outta the rm and offered prayers. She started crying once again and drove us all to tears once more. Julianne nudged us and say cannot cry, coz she say Ah Gong won't wanna come back to a house of crying people. So we dried our tears and went off to queue up to offer prayers to Ah Gong.
At ard midnight, we all went down to burn offerings. One of which was a paper box, inside filled with paper made beer cans, watches, clothes and some money. It has Ah Ma's name written on it, which indicates it's a gift from Ah Ma to Ah Gong. No wonder she was anxious and said the box was not full enuff and made us buy more joss paper for her earlier in the day (from what I heard from my sister).
We started the burning of the paper money and the box downstairs and 2rd uncle say we shld all pray and tell Ah Gong to come receive it. And strangely at that moment, the 3 streetlights along the walkway that our furnace can was placed, went off.
Julianne and me: "Eh, how come went off?"
Xie Wei :" Maybe midnight then off bah."
Me:" This side also." *points to the left*
At that moment, the streetlights came back on again. Maybe Julianne was right.
We went upstairs and it was already around 12.40am.
Julianne: "How come Ah Gong not back yet?"
Me:" Wait la. Where got so fast."
Xie Wei:" Maybe coz we live in the East, they release the souls in the West ma. So maybe take longer."
Julianne:" Issit coz Ah Gong new comer then everyone bully him? Maybe he stuck in checkpoint."
And so we became self engrossed in our own world of speculating Ah Gong's return.
Maybe I should go slp now and wait for Ah Gong to come into my dreams or come touch me at nite.
不过我最希望的，还是阿公能给婆婆托梦。能说一句他现在过得真的很好，不需要再为他落下一滴眼泪了。
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