Emotional rollercoaster ride of the day
Damn angry. And the fact that I didn't had a proper dinner the night before did not help. Hunger makes me more angry *fumes*
I started ranting to myself inside.
"Your are so frigging lazy. That's why you are so going to have the most humiliating graduation ceremony next year. So much for studying for 16 years and just to end it in such an embarrassing way."
Yes, no "cum laude" or what's not behind my Bachelor degree. It's just going to be:
"Wong Yu Hui. School of Economics. Bachelor of Science (Economics).[dead silence]"
Right, that cold hard silence that will highlight my stupidity that puts a ugly full dot to the end of my official education life. That ugly silence that will not bring my parents glory.
I got more angry. To the point that, by the time I was ready to leave at house at 7.15am, I just felt like staying at home and cry all day. I don't feel like going for classes.
I started going through my thoughts while I was in the train. Looking back at my academic life in SMU. Learned a lot, both inside and outside classes (though outside more :S), but guess my grades would never reflect it.
And then all of a sudden, I started to wonder why I feel so foul. I'm a happy person, isn't it? Never cry in front of anyone, never show sadness to anyone. Yea, and that compounded the sadness that got heavy inside.
I hate to reveal to anyone if I am upset, let alone cry. So frigging humiliating. And probably no one has the obligation to be at the receiving end of your gloominess. Hurhur.
By the time, I alight at City Hall, I really didn't feel like going school. I just wanted to find a corner where I could just hide and lick my emotional wounds in silence and away from everyone.
And guess what? Something flashed across my mind.
"Don't waste your life in doubts and fears: spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours or ages that follow it."
It was something that a friend shared with me a few years back. She was a slow learner. Things we learned at a pace that we took for granted, was in fact a difficult step for her.
"I learn slow. But hey, we all are heading for the same direction! I may be slower, but hey I still will get to the destination. Even if it means having a few detours. Hahaha, I might even see more than you guys. Coz I got detour. Hahaha"
Guess what? Actually, I no longer remember her name. But what she said remained in my mind, all these years.
Well, of course, I still wallow in my own deep pool of self-demeaning every now and then.
My mood was actually great by the time I reached Business block -_-||. Everything became normal and I was back on track again.
When class ended at noon, I had a lunch with my Corp Finance group and we chatted away like crazy. In our world, we forgot about pressing project datelines and heavy schoolwork. Went off to meet the prof and straight after that, I went for my Psychology Research participation stuff.
On my way home, I suddenly realize, how come I'm not upset? I'm supposed to be! And then I started to feel foul all over again. Angry at myself for forgiving myself so fast. That's less than half the day!
But by the time I reach home, I was fine all over again. No point punishing myself over something I can no longer change. Look forward darling! That's your life ahead!
I can't believe I went through all the changes in emotions within a day, and all self-induced -_-.
I'm weird. Wahahahahaha
Anyway! Something coollllllzzzzzzz to share :)
SMU HOODIE! (I apologise for the silly grin. And omg, my cheeks are still slightly puffy from my surgery in Feb! Argh)
nice right?! Okie I mean,
I feel very Ivy League. Hahahaha..I wanna get the blue one too! But out of stock le -_-
And gawd, I didn't know my dark rings look so bad! It didn't look so bad in person! Bleah. I am starting to look like Jason Gab, whom I thought was a Filipino the first time I saw him. No wonder, I have pple mistaking me as a Filipino-mixed-smth these few weeks. -_- Another nationality to add to my portfolio. I already have Vietnam, Malay, Indonesian-Chinese, Thai-Chinese on the list! Sooner or later, I will have the whole range of SEA. Like what Sam says, he has never seen anyone who can blend different SEA features into one face. Thanks ah. I feel like rojak. Hahahah
Quote of the day: "Our greatest glory consist not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
My favourite one of all times. :)
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