A New Beginning
Shock. Anger. Frustration. Disappointment. Unjust. Sorrow. Killer mode. Disgust. Hate. Fear. Name any negative emotion, and I may have been there in the last 5 days. For the uninitiated, work in the new firm (I moved over about 10 months ago) hasn't been a bed of roses. From unprofessional handling of probations to unreasonable/insulting remarks, I've been there. The main cause had been a
Two of the directors approached me separately after the news broke out - apologetic for what had happened. "I'm very sorry for what he has done to you. I love your work, your working attitude, I love the things you produce...I tried very hard to keep you but I couldn't ask for another headcount my name." It's ok, I responded. "If you need any recommendation to go anywhere, come to me, I will write one for you. Please don't take this as a testimony of your ability. It was never about that." Thank you, that meant a lot, was the only response I could manage at that point without bursting into tears. "It's so unfair. I didn't do anything wrong", I said. The director held my hand, "I'm very sorry, the key issue was you were hired under TDO's name to support him, there was a limit to what we could do. Remember, if you need a recommendation to go anywhere or anything you need to move to the next opportunity, I will write you one and do all I can, okay?" I said my thanks and she left my room.
Most colleagues had expressed their shock and disgust at what happened. But what's done had been done, that he had gotten his way of ousting me. He had also been spreading tales in office that he's been doing all the work, while I sat there idling away. The truth, is of course far from that, as those who have worked with me have known.
Director #2 asked me over to his room (I share a room with TDO and hence the inconvenience of talking in my room). He gave me a hug when I entered and asked if I was feeling okay. "What do you want me to feel?" was the only angry response I could muster at that point. He sat me down and said "You know it's not an issue of ability. You know it.". Then that makes it even more unfair and unbearable, was my only response before I started to tear (again). He watched on as I broke into senseless rambles, passing me napkins when he could. "It's a new beginning, it just means now you are free to go find a better mentor, you know that?" Sorry but I'm overwhelmed by how unjust this whole shebang is, I said.
"Are you interested in Hong Kong? You are smart, you have a great command of Mandarin, you love real estate, I think you will learn well in a bank. Spend 1-2 years there, and you will be a hot cake anywhere else after that." I looked at him blankly, hardly able to comprehend anything else other then the fact that my confidence had been dealt with the last huge blow with the termination. "Give me your resume, I will recommend you to where I used to work. Go there, and you will learn from real smart people." he said. That's really implying about the calibre of TDO.., I said. "You know it, we have all seen his financial models, and how he handle things." he cringed a little. I burst out laughing, so did he. That's comforting yet a little disturbing, I said inbetween tears and laughter.
"So trust me, it's better for you to learn and build that knowledge base elsewhere. I'm sure deep down you know it too.", he added. "Hand me your resume, I will see what I can do to send you there.". And for that extension of helping hand, I am going to be eternally grateful. Doesn't matter if I get it or not in the end.
My ex colleagues, albeit the initial shock, expressed happiness that I'm finally freed from my confidence vampire. "We love you a lot, so don't fear, don't despair. You deserve a lot more than what that pervert offered. Stay sane, stay good. We are reaching our headhunters for you, okay?"
The initial wave of shock and disgust from my friends and ex colleagues have suddenly morphed into a tsunami of well wishes. 5 days on, the messages are still pouring in. For that I am grateful. Extremely grateful that while one person has managed to screw me over, I have so many friends and support willing to put their hands out to pull me up.
My parents are surprisingly supportive, citing that I should have thrown my letter long time ago. Even the HR who had to break the news to me, said that she found it amazing I endured all those insults for a good 10 months. She had as well mentioned, I will be due for a better place with a better mentor who can teach me well (whether or not it's for consoling purposes, I wouldn't know though).
"I may have lost my job, but I realized I have so many true friends." I told my ex colleague, in between tears as I broke the news to him. He said "And that will be all that it matters, do not fear, do not despair, I'm sure all your friends and ex-colleagues, me included, is right here behind you.".
Lunch and dinner treats are pouring in, including those of the directors (my schedule is packed till my last day on Feb 28! And beyond for people outside current office), as a form of celebration I'm freed from TDO. While the last 10 months had been nothing short of a confidence-shattering experience, I've also earned myself a group of friends/colleagues who have walked through the dark days with me. While I foresee myself go through more down days as I begin the journey of another round of job hunting and job waiting, I'm confident the well wishes and help from my colleagues, ex colleagues, family and friends will pull me through.
Onwards to a new beginning! Wish me luck and pray for me! :))))
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Hugs my friend. It will blow over.
ReplyDelete-Lina
Matt:
ReplyDeleteYou may not see it as something good now, but hey I'm sure there are better opportunities out there.
Meanwhile, jiayou!
There is always a rainbow after the rain. Cheers.
ReplyDeleteYJ - Glad to hear there is finally closure to this episode. In a meantime, take a break and enjoy (while searching for a new job...) =D
ReplyDeleteBe strong!
ReplyDeleteChris zhuo
Thank you my friends! I just hope it's not a temporary high before the whole job hunting thing begins again! Haha
ReplyDelete